8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
