Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
