your room smells of hookers.
And success
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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