Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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