david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
