yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
