True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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