You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
