im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
