He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
