She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
