chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
