I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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