Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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