If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
