Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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