i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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