Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
one two three fourrrrnication!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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