Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
