I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize