Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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