I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
