pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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