I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
