So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
