I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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