i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
