i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
