So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
