guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dick very happy bro
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
