Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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