How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
