Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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