Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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