Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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