you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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