At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
