Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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