Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
