She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
