her facebook's as public as her vagina
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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