Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
