There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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