wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
