I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize