based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize