They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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