Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
