How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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