"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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