where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
