you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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