I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
