I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
