There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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