His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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