I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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