tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
