got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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