her vagina looked like bernie madoff
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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