I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
