And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
